pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
