Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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