It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
