It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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