why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
