I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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