12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
