Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We need to get me chipped asap
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
