reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize