i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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