I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
