i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
