I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
