Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
