Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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