yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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