Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
