after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
