I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
