fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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