its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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