he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
