Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
