Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
