barbara walters just said penis...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
