Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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