Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize