My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
