Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
