I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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