no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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