Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
