Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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