Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
