She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
