Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
