Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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