It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
