thus making me awesome and them whores
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
