You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
