I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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