I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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