i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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