he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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