Duck Duck Cougar?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize