Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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