evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
