i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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