Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
