OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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