She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
