it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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