rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
