True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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