found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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