I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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