Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
