Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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