My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
