Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
