if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
