It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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